Wednesday, 27 August 2008

Get Off!!!

We're clowning a lot with Kasia now and I'm really enjoying it. My stamina is improving and I'm finding much more pleasure at simply being on stage. Slowly, I'm just doing things for the joy of doing them rather than thinking through survival strategies (or tic tacs as Kasia calls them) in advance.

It's hard to trust that something of interest will develop organically on stage and it's even harder to allow your carefully prepared personality to drop a little - but when it does and a more vulnerable persona emerges its electrifying for the audience. Most of us are finding it shocking to recognise how many physical gestures and speech patterns are habitual and we all make ourselves cringe from time to time when we fall back to the safety of our little tricks. When this happens the struggle is to bounce back and stay open to the real possibilities of the situation.

Occasionally I just withdraw, give up and want to get off. I also sense I'm better in minor, supporting a proposition from another actor, than I am taking the major focus. In reality I'm delighted to be still in the mix and still producing work eight days in.

The group changed for this second week, which has brought a new dynamic. There are slightly more of us on board, but the mood is still light, supportive and occasionally giggly. We're also getting fantastic - if a bit competitive - at volleyball, which we devote at least an hour a day to.

I'll be sad when the week ends.

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